Semester Reflection: Risk Taking

          I am not a risk taker. I prefer to stay grounded and within familiar territory, in life and in learning. But trying to avoid mistakes while learning only shrinks the net of ideas a mind can catch. You can have either true expansion of perspective or safety, but never both.

          At the beginning of the year, I chose security. In my letter to Mr. Allen I wrote about learning to empathize. But this is not a complex lesson. Phrases like "treat others like you would want to be treated" or "you can't judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes" are societal mantra.

          I received an A for my letter, but nothing else. Not only did I write about a common lesson, I have consciously used this knowledge of empathy as a huge part of my ethical base for years. Thus I gained no insight on either the mechanisms of the world or those of my own mind.

          But perhaps one other affecting outcome of the letter was how it forced me to travel the other path moving forward, the one of expansion and risk. And luckily I found a chance to redeem myself.

          The Lear University assignment was essentially the same as the letter. Both revolved around a positive. change in perspective.

          In my Lear University Essay I chose to write about my habit of criticizing teachers, especially around tests or major assignments. This isn't something I like to think about. I am frankly embarrassed and uncomfortable about the whole issue.

          But because I did write an essay on the problem, I was able to better understand my reasons for behaving so immaturely. I am harsh on teachers in order to shift the blame for poor work away from myself.

          Originally, I had thought my habit stemmed from poor management of anger. If I hadn't written the paper I would have continued to look in the wrong area for a way to help myself.

          Instead, I took the risk and forced myself to experience discomfort and uncertainty over how my essay would turn out. In return I received an A, but more importantly I learned a few of my driving motivations.

          I haven't left safety behind. On my poem I had trouble reaching out for deeper meaning, instead of tried and true themes. But I have accepted that the only way to actually gain from English class is to take risks, and so I am learning how to learn, one blind step at a time.